How do you......?

How do you say good bye to someone you've known your entire life? How do you say good bye to someone who has always been there for you and you know is there? How do you come to terms with this? How do you say good bye to a grandpa?

My grandpa is dying. I've known it for a while now that he has been sick and isn't getting better. Or so I hoped he was getting better. The chemo didn't do what was hoped it would. Since he started it 6-7 weeks ago health wise he has been going downhill. Last week chemo was learned it wasn't healing the cancer. The decision was to stop chemo and the doctor recommended hospice. In other words keeping Grandpa comfortable.

My grandpa is a stubborn guy. He is also one who can be quite mischievous given a good opportunity. Grandpa is a man of wisdom and good stories. He is a man of faith. He doesn't talk opening about his faith but it's there quietly guiding him and providing a basis to live his life. I used to think Grandpa is too stubborn to die.

It has been hard to realize how sick he truly was and even harder to accept his terminal status. Grandpa has survived the deaths of his 2 oldest daughters. He has battled skin cancer and won. He has 2 major back operations and come out good. Nine years ago he was hit by a drunk driver while taking his afternoon walk and survived and come back from that. So this cancer diagnosis wasn't going to faze him or me. I figured he'd have treatments and be kinda ill from those but he'd be back to the same Grandpa I've always known.

Last weekend while I was visiting him and my grandma, their minister stopped by for a brief visit and brought up the point that Grandpa isn't ever going to be able to return to the activities he used to do and loved to do. He won't be able to go and putter out in the barn. He won't be able to go into the woods and cut wood for the woodstove. He isn't able to get out into the garden and see the fruit and veggies of his labor. He isn't able to read. After hearing that, it made me stop and think that he really isn't going to be the same Grandpa I've always known.

I don't want/like to see him this way. I want him to be free of pain, cancer, depression. I want him like this on this side of heaven, not the other way around. But is isn't going to happen like that or so it seems at this point. All I can do now is pray and visit him as much as possible before heaven becomes his new address.

Come again.